March 16th, 2019
I have been dreading writing about this date because I don’t know where to begin and lord help me if anyone at work reads this.
So this is a totally different sequence of events. I met this guy in the wild! I actually found a boy in the real world. He worked down the street from me and we had met at a happy hour after work on day in February. It was a mix of people from his job and a mix of my co-workers. My co-workers brought up my 19 dates and it quickly became a hot topic. This is important because this is the first boy to know about the 19 dates in 2019. I still do not understand why he decided to pursue me since the boys at work make it sound like I chew boys up and spit them immediately out. None the less he did.
After a couple other interactions among friends, he decided to invite me to a concert. He somehow snagged tickets to a Moon Taxi show at bar on Rainey Street. First off, I love Moon Taxi and secondly, I could see them play at a small venue? Of course I am in! My dad and sister were in town, which was bad timing, but this was a concert opportunity that I couldn’t pass up. As fellow music lovers, they understood.
I get ready for the concert still unsure if this is a date or just friends hanging out. I assume the later. We meet at the venue and he says, “The first round of drinks is on me!” Okay perfect this isn’t a date, I can relax and not have to worry if I look cool dancing along to one of my favorite bands.
Things honestly could not have gone better. We were front row at the concert. I am talking so close that you could see the whites of their eyes. The drinks were flowing. We were hitting it off, it is hard to find people with the same music taste as you.
Halfway through the concert I start to pound back the vodka sodas for some reason. I was pretty sure this wasn’t a date, but I don’t know if I was nervous or what. So as you can assume I start to get pretty drunk.
The concert ends and I was pumped up, not ready for the night to end, plus it was only 10:30 pm the night was still young. He tells me that his friends are going out to the bars down the street and asked if I wanted to go meet up with them. Since I was already pretty drunk, I take him up on the offer. Please keep in mind I told my sister I wouldn’t be gone that long, so I left her waiting in my apartment.
We head to the next bar where I continue to pour vodka sodas down my throat. Thankfully I had previously met his friends at the happy hour we had back in February. We talk to them for what seems like hours but after reanalyzing the situation I think it was more like 45 minutes. Then after maybe my 9th vodka soda the night gets a little fuzzy. By fuzzy I mean completely fuzzy.
Fast forward to 5:45 am. My phone is dead and I am at this boy’s apartment. Not my fondest moment. I freak. I have got to get home. My sister and dad are in town, my sister is in my apartment and I never came home! This is so unlike me! I never go home with boys. The last thing I remember is being at the bar ordering a vodka soda and that was probably 5 hours ago. A solid 5 hours of uncertainty. I am definitely still drunk as I quickly try to call an Uber home. The date that wasn’t a date took quite a turn.
I fling open my bedroom door and immediately start screaming (because that was my first instinct as a still drunk shacker). “What time is it??”, My sister asks. “6:30 AM!!!”, I screech back. She starts laughing and I tell her all about the night. The night was so unlike me that I think she was glad to see me have some fun.
“I HAVE A MORAL HANGOVER!!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE I STAYED THE NIGHT ON A FIRST DATE!!”, I dramatically yell. She rolls her eyes and says, “You are almost 24 years old. It is fine. Honestly, you needed this.”
With the moral hangover still looming over me, I call my best friend who informs me that I sent a Snapchat that just said “I kissed little brother”. With that I get a strong flashback of me laying one on Boy #6’s best friend’s little brother. He was 24 years old, so like it wasn’t like I was being a pedo. So that’s good I kissed another boy on this “date” and I hope to the lord it wasn’t in front of Boy#6. Wow, I am a really great date: I will kiss your friend’s brother and get so so drunk that I don’t remember much of the night at all! 10/10.
That was date #1 with Boy #6. I assume he did not know about me kissing the BFF’s little brother because I feel like that would be a deal breaker for just about anyone. We continue to see each other for the next several months. This is not to say that the following months were smooth sailing because they were not.
A fun little detail is that his dad is my high up boss at my job. The whole dating the boss’s son was a little flirty and dangerous, but Boy #6 didn’t see it as flirty and dangerous like I did. He made it a point to never mention me to his dad, not even as friends! I felt like a bad secret, like smoking cigarettes or having an STI, for example. That’s far from flirty and dangerous. Dangerous? Yes. Flirty? No.
I did have a good time with him. He made me laugh, he was smart, goal-oriented, and came from a family similar to my own. I really liked how determined he was to pursue me, that was something new to me and I loved it. There were a lot of boxes he checked on the pro side, but he also checked a couple of big boxes on the con side.
The more I got to know him the quicker he was to be in a bad mood. It was pretty early on in a relationship to push your sour mood on to your partner, I brushed it off a couple of times, but I started to take note of this.
He also had an aggressive side. I have been known to have an aggressive side and I have been going to a therapist for years to learn (properly) how to shove my aggression down, deep in the basement of myself. So I have realized that I would not want a partner who brings aggression to the table, since I have worked so hard to shrink mine. Now you may think , “Well how was he aggressive?” and I can only provide you with my experiences. One time he was rude to an Uber driver about going the wrong way. In the moment I felt like most people wouldn’t have noticed or not cared. Another time he got upset about people shoving at an outdoor concert. Shoving just happens, it is something rather small to get worked up about. All in all I wasn’t sure if I could look past the aggression. He still had a lot to offer, there were a lot of other positive boxes he did check. I wasn’t sure how I felt.
We were together probably two and a half months total. The very end is where I was finally sure how I felt. I am a strong, independent woman. I work with all men at the bank and I enjoy my job. He had the same job at the bank down the street. Well he had asked about my day and I proceeded to tell him about how this loan at work had fallen through. It was a loan for a brand new brewery opening up in town, I was excited about it and I had worked several months getting the information prepared. I was bummed that it got shot down but it is part of the job, no big deal. He proceeds to tell me all the things that I did wrong in the process. “If you knew the bank was going to say no, then why did you work on it? Why didn’t you let the executives look at the deal before spending so much time on it? You should have asked the right questions beforehand, then maybe you wouldn’t have wasted your time?” Woah woah woah woah.
“Well it is my job to do the work that I am given. I also didn’t know that the loan was going to get declined, everyone was on board in Austin. We did let the executives look at it. I don’t think I wasted my time because I liked the project, so it’s not that big of a deal that it didn’t work out. Plus I think the brewery will still get built just by another bank!”, I argue back.
“Does my dad know that other banks are looking at it?”, he sasses back.
With that I was done with this conversation. This man just mansplained my job to me. I am very much aware of what my job entails, thank you very much. After that it was clear that this was not the guy for me. I don’t want someone to sassily mansplain anything to me ever.
We hung out one other time post mansplaining. This time he told me that my dog needed a leash. (Real quick- my dog is very good. He has a leash, but when we go outside to go to the bathroom at the bottom of my apartment complex, I let him run free. He never runs away and he likes it!!!) This boy had the nerve to tell me about my parenting skills. I have been a single dog mother for four years, I know what I am doing. Toby will not be getting Boy #6 as a father and that is for sure. Also Toby didn’t even really like him so, DEAL BREAKER.
Shortly after I broke things off with him. Don’t get me wrong the last part of this post I feel like I ripped him apart. There were several large positive boxes he checked, but sadly his negative boxes outweighed the positive. Just because my boxes didn’t align doesn’t mean there isn’t a girl out there who has completely different boxes to check.
People ask me why I am doing this and the answer is that I am trying to figure out what I like and what I don’t like in a partner. I have been finding a lot of things I don’t like, but each of these boys are showing me that there are options out there. Sometimes it feels like I am digging through sand looking for a diamond but I think it is possible to find that diamond.